1007 – Chris Fairbanks

 

PARDCAST.COM MESSAGE BOARD FOR THIS EPISODE

Intro

Jimmy is comin’ right atcha with a toothful of PowerBar

Zeros aughts and ohs

Tweekedaudio.com finally gets another shoutout

More dog poop talk than in the entire previous history of Never Not Funny

Jimmy’s disturbing definition of what it is to “Moe out”

5:00

Zoe Belknap: a force to be reckoned with!

Jimmy’s great fantasy baseball name: The Paternal Blowhards

Baldwin Hills Jimmy does not mean any of his racial epithets

Jimmy thought the Three Stooges trailer was funny ::silence::

Jimmy wears Russell Brand tee shirts to support Russ Brand

Monster energy causes misspeaking about the weather

Never Not Funny studios is now all theirs

10:00

Should Dan do a wall-sized mural for the studio?

Dan’s parents may have regrets

ELIOT’S thumb is not just up… it’s WAY up

The Administrator Matt Belknap

Dan’s dog Marvin died

15:00

Eliot is wearing horrible hipster Cousin Eddie cockroach killer shoes

Jimmy is pro-Mexican, as shown by his lust for (non-Mexican) Jennifer Lopez

Chris had his larynx crushed in a shaving cream wrestling incident

The Daily Habit on Fuel TV is now cancelled

Jimmy was on the show with Chris when he got injured

20:00

There’s a spider on that wall! There’s a spider on that wall! There’s a spider on that wall!

Details of the larynx-crushing wrestling match

Jimmy’s fake-anger might be confusing to new acquaintences

25:00

“J”s stands for “jokes.” Honest.

Hurt feelings is way worse than crushed larynx

Wrestling is taking over Fuel TV

A dollar bill sweater may not be a bad idea, or may be horrible

Jimmy is totally a yes-and guy

SAT and ACT tests

30:00

Jimmy has finally bought his first Sonicare toothbrush, and he loves it

Chris’s childhood friend designed the new Sonicare head

Electric toothbrush pissing contest

Another winning contest idea from Eliot: disco pants

Go LIKE the Never Not Funny Facebook page

35:00

Matt wants Dan to be a robot-dancing street performer

Jimmy got accosted by a religious nut because he was smiling

Jimmy at the Pearly Gates

Chris was at the studio early, which resulted in him pushing a Jeep out of traffic for the ungrateful, asshole, non-door-holding owner

40:00

Plotting revenge on the Jeep owner

Don’t miss Chris’s “old man’s scrotum” sound effect

There is a limit to door-holding politeness

This is room full of non-confrontational men

Don’t get inside Jimmy’s bubble

45:00

Jimmy is not comfortable telling what his new car is (but he said on an ealier show he wanted the new Hyundai)

Jimmy has photographic evidence that people even invade his car’s bubble

The Bad Callback song

The Tone Loc around-the-neck turntable

Wild Thing, Tone Loc

Chris reads too much into Wild Thing

50:00

Rubber Band Man, The Spinners

Matt has serious issues with The Rubber Band Man, and thinks it should be a documentary instead of a song

55:00

The heartwarming backstory about how The Rubber Band Man got written

Chris wants a DJ at his funeral

Matt gets fired from his DJ gig

Some AST members have taken up the slack and overwrite about comedy

1:00:00

Jimmy may have underpaid the Leroy Ball and the Doogot Band from his wedding

Jimmy has rage at Dan and Eliot, but Chris wants to be kept out of it

Did Eliot answer for Dan

Darryl’s doing a great job at Never Not Notes

Eliot tried to give me credit for helping with the video intro, but gets overridden by the guys trying to figure out what city I live in (Billings, but Chris always thinks it’s Missoula because my daughter lives there.) THANKS ELIOT!!!!

Matt has visited Seeley Lake, Montana

Kokomo, The Beach Boys

Matt does not like the taste of the wooden popsickle stick

Forked penises exist, according to Matt

Chris: “My urethera’s like a showerhead!”

BREAK

1:05:00

Chris was not happy working at The Daily Habit

Matt does not want behind the curtain of The Daily Habit

The split-down-the-middle snowboard that turns into cross-country skis

Confusing slang usage of “skins”

Words that Jimmy finds offensive

1:10:00

Cutting edge music talk about John Phillip Souza

Hollywood Bowl animal attacks! (or not)

A standing ovation for curious poses

Sneaking onto the stage while The Scorpions play

1:15:00

Don’t ignore Chris’s wonderful saying: “Feed me the boots”

Desperate attempts to relive the “feed me the boots” magic for the season 11 opening

Jimmy takes over Dan’s job of working the Google

The Jimmy and Chris mouth-trumpet duet: Chuck Mangione’s Feels So Good (not a one word title)

1:20:00

Like Jackson Browne, Dan is running on empty

Instrumentals on the pop charts

Jimmy: “You know I’m a child of MTV!”

1:25:00

Running on Empty vs. Sneakers vs. Redford vs. Phoenix vs. Hirsch

Matt Belknap: Rural American Breakdancer

New Edition: shrill high pitched unpolished children’s voices

Jimmy’s microphone is covered with horse juice

Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

1:30:00

You’re fuckin’ mud!

Fairbanks is holding back some zingers until the end

Have You Seen the Mud Mud Man

O.J. Simpson Investigator and Major Prosecution Witness Dies
(Thanks to ASTer Kentock for the link)

Is someone killing off the O.J. Simpson defense team?

Barry SCHECK(T)

Fred Goldman and Rollie Fingers. Ever seen them together? Think about it.

I-I-I-T-O

Lenos Dancing Itos

Jimmy continues to insist that Barry Scheck’s name has a “T” at the end, like “across’t”

1:35:00

Fred Goldman vs. Rollie Fingers

Jimmy’s gotta go, no time to talk about Chris’s ideas for a mural

All of Chris’s art is based on bad ideas

AK-47 gone, not forgotten

In-Studio notes by Dan Katz
 
Chris Fairbanks
 
0 – Jimmy’s coming right at you. Jimmy has powercrunch bar in his teeth. Jimmy’s nickname is White Chocolate because of his big black dick. Jimmy doesn’t do a good job plugging Tweaked Audio. Jimmy gets a knot out of his headphone cord. Jimmy almost stepped on some dog shit when he stepped out his car this morning. Matt’s landlord won’t pick 40% of her dog’s shit.
 
5 – Jimmy joined a 3rd fantasy baseball league. Jimmy defends his sometimes racist joking. Jimmy liked the 3 Stooges trailer. Never Not Funny Studios is all ours. Jimmy is back on the Monster.
 
10 – Dan’s drawings are horrible but we’ll take his drawings over a needle in his arm. Sadly, Dan’s dog passed away.
 
15 – Eliot’s wearing cockroach killers. Guest Chris Fairbanks tore his larynx while wrestling a woman in shaving cream.
 
20 – Carrie Keagan was mean to Jimmy once. We talk about Fairbanks’s torn larynx.

25 – Chris Fairbanks’s show got cancelled. Jimmy is in love with the sonic electric toothbrush.

30 – Chris Fairbanks’s buddy designed the new sonic, so he got a free one. Disco pants contest announcement.

35 – Fairbanks tells a horrific story where he helped a guy park and the guy was a dick.

40 – Jimmy tells a story where he got trapped holding a door open for at least 90 seconds. Jimmy got a new car and parked far away from everyone else at the gym and then a guy parked right next to him.

45 – Sing-A-Long time

50 – Deep deep analysis of lyrics from The Rubberband Man.

55 – Do you go DJ or band at your wedding?

BREAK

0 – Chris talks about being frustrated with his show that just got cancelled. Chris talks about a new snowboard that just got invented.

5 – The guys compare John Philip Sousa songs. Matt Belknap says the funniest thing ever. Fairbanks talks about sneaking

10 – ****Gimme The Boot***** Everyone does fake horn sounds.

15 – Chuck Mangione sing a long. Who goes better with River Phoenix: Judd Hirsch or Robert Redford?

20 – What is the man version of madame?

25 – The OJ defense dream team is slowly being killed off.

 
 

One thought on “1007 – Chris Fairbanks

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