907 – Maria Bamford

 

PARDCAST.COM MESSAGE BOARD FOR THIS EPISODE

INTRO: Jimmy is still the host, despite ongoing threats of replacement

1:48 Eight Miles High (Sorry Jimmy, not Three Miles High)

2:30 Dragging Oliver around the midwest

3:40 Jimmy needs Dan’s iPad NOW!!!!!

4:10 Eliot totally outs Dan!

4:45 Jimmy taught Oliver about cheese-cutting

5:10 Eliot’s thumb

6:00 The end of last week’s show

6:45 Eliot’s video and correction skills

7:00 Matt needs a haircut

8:30 Jimmy ate like an asshole for days

9:40 Maria doesn’t have Michael Winslow-like chops

10:30 Humidity creates a whole new world

11:30 Maria’s extensive resume

12:15 Jimmy back to shock-jock mode

12:45 E.G. Daley’s resume. And breasts.

13:30 Jimmy is frustrated with Dan-related technology

15:45 Maria recognizes the beauty in the human body

16:00 When was Maria last on?

16:40 Maria’s mom heckles her online

17:15 Inappropriate content on Maria’s mom’s facebook page

19:30 Maria animates Oprah magazine

21:10 Mark this part for the opening montage!

22:15 Maria only watches OWN

22:15 Rehab Animal Hoarders on TLC

24:00 Maria has channel-changing issues

25:00 How Maria spends her time

26:00 Television watching is a part-time job

26:45 “That one” = Zoe

27:00 Upside down guys on kid’s TV (Umbilical Brothers)

27:30 What’s on your DVR?

28:40 Mall openings

29:20 Dan killed Betty Ford

29:30 Maria wants a rehab vacation

31:20 A Million Little Pieces lied to Jimmy

32:00 Lying to others and yourself

33:40 Jimmy’s Jim-Belushi-like cousin

34:30 Jim Belushi’s looks and personality

35:30 Maria reprises her Powerful Monkey philosophy  (Book: Fame Junkies)

35:45 Monkies might not even like bananas!

34:15 The monkey self-portrait

38:00 Did Jimmy see a monkey and duck on the internet?

(Maybe it was this kitty and duck picture from #906 notes?)

38:40 Origin of fuckaduck

39:00 President Polk

40:45 Farmers and hipster urban farmers

42:30 Jimmy is fake-mad at Dan again

43:00 Maria is trying to build community by having a bench

44:00 Apple pie is healthy

44:45 Mick LaMode of Depeche Mode

46:00 Maria is a secret kid-mentorer, which may not be legal or appropriate

47:00 Bruce Smith, Manager extraordinaire!

47:40 Maria’s career is done

49:00 Why have a podcast instead of just lunch? (This isn’t about Michelle is it?)

50:00 Maria prepares for her wheelchair days, and Jimmy gets ahead of her joke

51:15 You down with PPA?

51:30 Maria bombing

52:00 Maria has a drinking problem

52:50 Matt speaks for us!

52:10 Maria bombs

55:00 Jackie Kashian saves the day

56:15 Eaaasyyyy power-suit!

58:10 Maria likes a slow relationship

58:40 Jimmy is fascinated by Maria’s love life

59:30 Meeting people online still leads to a dinner

61:20 Ponderosa and Bonanza boo-fay

63:00 Maria loves the Golden Corral

64:45 Put another scoop o’ chicken on there my man

65:20 How many times can a Subway have a crisis?

67:00 BREAK – Plugging ROCK SOLID

70:00 Jimmy continues to obsess about the neighbor’s business

70:30 Maria goes to ask about their business

71:30 If you just joined us, that’s weird

73:00 Maria returns with the inside scoop on the what business the neighbor is in

75:45 Maria has more balls than any other guest or cast member

74:30 Eliot crawls around Rambo-style

75:15 Shaving on the go / Whiskers on My Chest

76:20 Guinea pig running up stairs

77:00 Matt wants to know the mechanics of guinea pig running

77:30 Bruce Smith, 3-Voice Comedian Agent

78:00 Cajun Jimmy shows up

79:00 More speculation about the neighbor’s business

80:15 Maria’s social activities

80:40 Maria’s meditation via podcast

83:40 Maria’s possum-like defense reflex kicks in

85:00 How to relax

86:00 80s Jimmy Pardo, king of the bolo ties

88:00 Middle eastern scarves

89:00 The most racist thing ever said to Jimmy after a show

91:00 Theo’s best friend Cockroach

91:30 Upcoming shows and Flappers in Burbank

92:30 Eric Clapton / Slowhand / I Want a Man with a Slow Hand

93:45 Meditation by Matt’s mom

94:05 Maria: “You’re kinda being an asshole about it, right?”

94:30 Starting Over with Iyanla Vanzant and Rana Walker

96:00 Here comes the bit: Maria challenges her sister with negative thoughts

97:20 Tweeting negative things @MariaBamfoo

98:00 Why jump through hoops to be a hater?

98:55 Maria is doing emotional sudoku

99:15 C’mon Toddy!!!!

99:45 Maria want to be squeezed by her parents autistic-style

100:30 Jimmy is gonna start Twittering!!! I’m sure he is 100% serious.

101:10 Patton Oswalt is a Twitter King-maker!!!!

102:00 Do we need Google Plus?

102:30 Maria: “MySpace is like an abandoned building that I own!”

103:00 Matt is worried about Magoo, Timbaland’s partner

103:45 We gotta go now, we gotta go!

104:30 Guess Jimmy’s noise imitation – A new fun segment!

106:10 Maria filters her dates via phone

106:45 We gotta go now, we gotta go! (Reprise)

107:00 Cajun Jimmy, your overnight DJ

107:30 Over-explaining the blank stare

108:15 Plugging San Francisco

AK-47 gone, not forgotten

————-IN STUDIO NOTES BY DAN KATZ—————

7/13/11

Maria Bamford

0 – Jimmy Pardo heard on TMZ that Charlie Sheen is in talks to replace him as host. Jimmy taught Oliver “Who cut the cheese?”

5 – Matt needs a haircut. Jimmy was in Chicago, ate like an asshole, and sweated like crazy.

10 – The guys fixate on EG Daily.

15 – Guest Maria Bamford has had to block her mom on facebook because she is “earthy.”

***19 minutes in: Maria Bamford’s “MMMM HMMMM” is quotable

20 – Maria “only has one cable channel.”

25 – Watching TV is a commitment. Maria would like to go to rehab.

30 – Jimmy’s uncle accidentally insulted his own son (Jimmy’s cousin) by comparing his life to “According to Jim.”

35 – The guys try to learn the origin of “go fuck a duck”

40 – Jimmy talks about his fictional friend, Vick LaMode.

45 – Maria’s been mentoring children. No one knows about it.

50 – Maria pours water all over herself. She also talks about an evening where she bombed.

55 – Maria talks about her dating life.

60 – The guys talk buffets.

BREAK

0 – Maria went out to find out what kind of business the NNF neighbors are in.

5 – Jimmy and Maria may have to do a character-off.

10 – Maria talks about what she does to chill out.

15 – Jimmy meditates with Miami Vice. Jimmy talks about a racist situation in Oklahoma.

20 – I spent six minutes trying to find a Bruce Springsteen song.

25 – 35: The guys talk about internet haters.

AK-47 gone, not forgotten

———IN-STUDIO NOTES (actually out of studio) BY DAN KATZ——–

6/6/13

Al Madrigal

Throw * in for potential iconic quotes

0 – Much appreciation to those who’ve purchased the various VIP packages. Much appreciation to everyone else as well. “Seasons Change” sing-a-long. Jimmy has strep again. Again. Little bit of drizzle outside. Jimmy has a story of when he stood up for himself w/o having to apologize. Bradley Burlingame, Dan Katz for the day, is guest-interning.

5 – Dan’s in New York again. Why? Burlingame has been discussed in the past, because he at one time applied for the NNF internship, but didn’t show up to the interview, because he lacks a passion for facebook. Jimmy talks about a street that makes him sing every time he passes it. Jimmy talks about these awesome TWEAKED headphones and then about how him and Matt get lost in conversation from time to time.

10 – Dice Clay’s lady makes an appearance. Matt didn’t get a good night sleep because his daughter slept in the bed last night. Guest Al Madrigal is brought into the mix. Jimmy wanted to get Al back on the show for a while, and it’s finally happened.

15 – Al hates Dice Clay and believes he ripped his act off of a dead comic. Al talks about how his buddy Freddy used to work for Dice and he told stories about how Dice used to eat at restaurants and insist they give him the plates.

20 – Then Freddy died and Al was in charge of his estate and the whole thing was a nightmare, ‘cause Freddy’s wife was a handful. Al went to Dice for compassion and Dice screwed him over.

25 – One of the acts Dice stole from is “Otto & George,” a dirty ventriloquist act. Al and Dice have the same cleaning lady.

30 – Al went to an MTV movie awards after party and the guys talk about the toxic environment of it. The guys shit on Chelsea Handler.

35 – Al has a new show that he’s doing with a bunch of his comedian friends and he’s very happy to be on it.

40 – Jimmy loves Al’s show. The guys talk about how Jimmy helps out his friends right before they go up on the Conan show.

45 – Al “became” a “Mexican” comic when he moved to LA. He’s not Mexican. Al’s kid loves Jim Gaffigan.

50 – The guys talk about the Leno show and how when people talk about Leno, they get phone calls about it.

55 – Al’s wife won’t let the kids get into bed with them. She’s very strict. Al talks about his ridiculous dog, Henry Noodles.

60 – Al’s been flying off the handle after this. Burlingame’s doing a great job.

BREAK

0 – The guys witnessed the aftermath of a car accident during the break. Jimmy’s wearing the “I can’t even imagine” tee shirt and the guy who designed these shirts is having a tee shirt sale. Al is making shirts for his son’s birthday; the shirts are based on “wizards of waverly place.” The guys talk about comics getting escorted and driven to gigs that are extremely small distances from their hotel.

5 – The guys talk about selling their own CD’s.

10 – Jimmy and Al talk about altercations they’ve had in elevators.

15 – Al talks about going 0 – 60 on an audience member with an ipad and on a fellow comic.

20 – Al talks about the worst New Years Eve ever.

25 – Jimmy gets in an altercation at a Beverly Hills children’s birthday party

30 – Jimmy and Al want nothing to do with the dads of their kids’ peers.

 

One thought on “907 – Maria Bamford

  1. Pingback: Maria Bamford: More balls than any other guest! « NeverNotNotes.com

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